COVID-19 has brought much pain and sorrow to this world. I know of several who have passed from it. My husband has long-hauler’s from it. His body is being tortured from the after effects. He had it the first summer of the pandemic – 2020.
I had it in the first week of 2022. I was vaxxed and boosted. I am nearly 2 months out and am only now feeling close to normal. I am thinking of this disease, in my particular case, as a gift. It has afforded me a sense of reflection.
I started my fitness journey 15 years ago. I had become a man in his mid-40s who had left a relatively athletic life to one who sat in the pattern of many middle-class American men. I was a father with a mortgage and drive thru breakfast.
I knew I didn’t want an unhealthy life. I wanted to be fit again. My goals were pure. I wanted to be healthy enough to play with my kids. I wanted to be an example for them. I wanted to be more productive.
I won’t go into the particulars of my program choices too much. That’s a separate post. I began working out. The program I followed was on a website and had a discussion board. It was nice to share progress with like-minded people. My goals there were not aesthetic but performance-based. I wanted to do pullups and wasn’t too concerned about how I looked.
One day in the months that followed, someone asked me if I’d been working out. I remember taking that to message board. It felt good to get noticed. The compliments started to come. My focus started to change from health and performance to getting compliments – aesthetic.
The motivation to get noticed was motivation. It made me work hard. Add social media – Facebook was exploding – and this became more and more intense. Not long after this, add the smartphone. I was on a downward spiral of addiction. Workout, post, wait for likes, repeat. The cycle was to cause me much difficulty. It did. It still does. I even got out of shape again.
I struggled to get the feeling I originally started this journey with. I knew and still know that the time I started to struggle is synchronous with the time I got my first smartphone. I also know it really isn’t the phone; it’s the phone with social media.
Yesterday, I archived a major portion of my instagram posts. I went from around 1000 posts to around 10. I am no longer going to post thirst-traps there, nor am I posting them to Facebook. This feels like quitting smoking or drinking (both of which I have done).
I am going to continue working out and posting here. My goals are to become healthier both mentally and physically. I will embrace more humility.
Physical Goals
- 400lb deadlift
- Sub 20-minute 5k row
- Sub 20-minute 5k run
- 10 pullups
- 200lb overhead squat
- 60 sec 400m
I will work daily to overcome my addiction to vanity.